


The Lost Diaries of Fiona: Yoga Class

by merryghoul



Category: Burn Notice
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Diary/Journal, Other, POV First Person, Sexual Content, Yoga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:47:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fiona goes to yoga class and stops a robber.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lost Diaries of Fiona: Yoga Class

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a series of diaries "written" by Fiona in 2007 (they're still on the USA Network site but they've been discontinued).

Whenever I have free time between jobs, I usually do things that relax me. I sit down in front of the television and watch _Dirty Harry_ if I want to stay in. If I want to go out, I'll go to a shooting range. If I want a tan, I'll rent a chair and an umbrella on the beach and relax with the latest issue of _Guns & Ammo._ But sometimes I like to do things that are out of the ordinary for me. Recently I did just that--I went to a yoga class.

The yoga class I go to requires either a yoga hammock or an inversion swing for inverted yoga maneuvers. I chose a lightweight inversion swing for the class--it's only 250 dollars, weighs less than three pounds and doesn't take long to set up. It's perfect if I need to leave the class early if I need to go on a job or if I want to show Michael how flexible I am.

The yoga class was much more fun than I expected it to be. It'll never beat shooting the hell out of a paper target at a shooting range, but the feeling of being suspended in the air while doing basic yoga positions was exhilarating. I loved feeling the rush of blood to my brain as I was doing handstands with the inversion swing. It was like free-falling without actually falling.

While the yoga class and I were practicing half shoulder stands in mid-air, I noticed a man, dressed as if he belonged in the class (or walking down Collins Avenue as a very obvious tourist) sneaking out of the studio. Around his waist was something I haven't seen since the 1980s--a fanny pack. I had no idea they still made those. Before we started the class he wasn't wearing the fanny pack. The fanny pack was also filled with something in it. I took my legs out of the inversion swing, unhooked it from the studio wall and followed the man.

I was able to catch up to the perp and pretend I had fallen in love with him ever since he stepped into the yoga studio. I started rubbing his shoulders and successfully attempted to seduce him into the ladies' room for a vertical blowjob and a quickie.

Once inside the bathroom, I hung the inversion swing in the stall. The perp and I walked into the stall. I hooked my legs into the inversion swing, pulled up his shirt and kissed the perp's stomach. (It was disgusting.) While I was doing that I managed to unhook the fanny pack. Once the fanny pack hit the floor the perp was wondering what I was doing. I hit his balls with my fist and caused him to fall to his knees. I then grabbed the perp and flung him against the stall. After hitting a few sensitive spots on his body I managed to knock the perp out.

I returned to the yoga class and told everyone about the perp and the fanny pack. Then I left the class--I was done with yoga for the day. I went back to South Beach, rented a chair and an umbrella and got comfortable with the latest issue of _Guns & Ammo._


End file.
